June 27, 2010

Have I mentioned that I can be easily distracted?

I realize that it has been entirely too long since I have written, but if a post magically appeared whenever i wrote one in my head while i was driving, believe me, my blog would not be so empty!
I think part of the reason why i have not written is because I have not been able to wrap my head around a lot of the things that are happening in my life and so it was easier to continue floating on auto-pilot than it was to sit and write and process. 
So now as i am procrastinating on something else I will begin by saying that I LOVE SUMMER!!! I love the hot and humid weather that makes me crave shade and finally melts away winter's cold.  I love the bugs....the lightning bugs that make me feel like I'm 6 all over again as i stare at them in wonder, and the heatbugs whose "buzz" is the soundtrack of the season.  I love the beach and the sunshine and icy cool drinks.  I love farmer's markets and lush gardens and flowers in unexpected places.  I especially love that fact that i get 3 hours of sunshine after work.
All this said, this summer is different, for the first time in my life I don't have a seasonal aspect to my job, I am working the same hours at the same place, indifferent of the changing seasons.  This feels a little weird.  Although I love my job, I miss the freedom of summer vacation. 
The one thing that is changing this summer is that my sister is moving away.  Up until this weekend I have been able to put this inevitable fact off, but as the bachelorette party weekend draws to a close and "last times" for various things happen it is starting to sink in.  My sister and I have always been close in that we are 11 and a half months apart, but our friendship really kicked into high gear when we went to college and no longer shared a room.  And now I as I ponder her move to the far off land of bourbon and horse racing, I realize that the thing i have the hardest time with is that there will be stories that she is not a part of.  I trust God and know that He has good things for her, and I love my future brother-in-law and know that he will take good care of her but the simple fact that there will be times i won't be able to say, "hey, remember when?" scares me a lot more than i would like to admit.  I hope that by writing this out and forcing myself to process this fact now, I will be able to get the really ugly tears done with before the wedding, because water-proof mascara can only be expected to do so much.
In other news, and in order to end on a much lighter note, my container veggie garden is doing well and I got to eat the first string bean from it this afternoon with a much beloved friend.  The tomatoes and eggplants have blooms and I look forward to many good meals to come from them :-)

As I sign-off I guess the take away lesson is to trust God.  Change may be scary and things may not look promising, but God is in control.  O that I would live like this were true and would leave my worries at Christ's feet when I cast them there instead of picking them up again in distrust.