August 4, 2010

My God, how great thou art, and how quick I am to forget

Sometimes I fear suffocating in safety, of living a life of quiet desperation.  It is easy to believe in a mighty God when I am faced with mighty obstacles....Goliath before me solidifies my soul's certainty that my God is bigger.  But what do I do when there is no Goliath, when the only obstacles before me are a mirror to show my own sinfulness.  The mundane is such an excellent soul-snuffer and sanctification moves like molasses when measured by the minute.

The questions arise in the still of the midnight moon and the hum of the summer bugs outside...."have i missed my chance for love by speaking too late? too early? or maybe by just not working hard enough?" "does God actually care or have a plan for me or am i destined to slip through the cracks" "can i call my self a christian when there is so much wrong in the world and i live in such luxury?" "am i actually living in God's will for my life or have I missed the mark? and if so how long will i be stuck before I get back on track?" "have i lost my muchness? i seemed so much muchier a year ago when my hands were dirty and calloused from serving the poor and needy halfway across the world."

But then in the breeze i hear that it is time to lay my questions down and i feel ashamed of my questions.  How can I still doubt when I have been witness to so many evidences of His faithfulness?  At times like this God speaks though my garden.

As seeds I doubted in the March mud and cold but my tomatoes proved me wrong

Then as transplanted seedlings assaulted by the late May sun and wind and rain I braced for the worst, but still they grew.

I bought cages sure they would never fill and even if they did they would be lovely green plants with no fruit, still they grew

Then one day, despite my doubt, fruit!

My prayer is for contentment, that I would learn to grow where I am planted and to take joy in the exact circumstance God has placed me in in each moment.  For I know in my head if not always in my hear that it is He who loves me, that guides my steps.  Let my life be like my tomato plants, bearing fruit in the presence of doubt. 

A wise woman once showed me this quote and I pray that I would remember this when the questions come....
"I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because that is His best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single. The psalmists confirm that I should not want, I shall not want, because no good thing will God withhold from me."--Paige Benton Brown

Linking up with Emily for Imperfect Prose


  1. oh girl, this is beautiful... can i ask that you link this up in a few hours to this week's imperfect prose? so others can read it? i'm going to post it asap. love it. thank you.

  2. here is the link, lovely, to this week's imperfect prose:

    bless you.

  3. So encouraging. I love your muchness. In Him is where we find it, don't we?

  4. Girl, you continue to astonish and amaze me. The mundane is such a soul-snuffer. But you are much, and you are all that, and I love watching what God is doing in you. So glad you found emily and Jodi--sweet kindred spirits.

  5. "then one day, despite my doubt, fruit!"

    oh, girl. this sums up my faith walk, indeed.

    great post!

  6. Wonderful. It's ture that sometimes we have to stop wondering and just allow him to use us where He sets us.

  7. awesome post...even when I'm doubting and wondering, He still shows me glimpses that encourage me...glimpses of being used, glimpses of walking in Him, glimpses of fruit about to bloom.

  8. ..learn to grow where we are planted.. that's not always easy - but i guess he knows best what soil is good for us...
    you expressed it with nice words and fantastic pics underlining it