September 8, 2010

Longing for the City with Foundations

"To trudge: the slow, weary, depressing yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in life except the impulse to simply soldier on." (Chaucer in Knight's Tale)
Sometimes I feel like my spiritual feet are made of lead...each step forward takes a bit more effort than the one before.  My legs ache to rest but I know that stagnancy is a slow killing poison and that lack of forward motion results in loss of ground. 
I read my Bible, I pray, I have my quiet times, I go to church...and sometimes it just doesn't feel like enough.  The overflowing joy, the peace that passes all understanding, the strength to mount on wings like eagles all seem to be just out of reach, behind a clean glass wall...a barrier not visible but hard and cold.  On those days I trudge
This has been such a season but God is showing me the blessing of nothing left to lose.  When I surrender my hopes and dreams, the expectations I have of God, He is free to work in me as He wasn't before.  There is a beauty in not quite hitting the breaking point because it is by God's grace that I am pressed but not crushed.
That "impulse to simply soldier on" can only come from God.  I know my heart, I know that my soul is lazy and would rather not move if it means discomfort.  Pushing on, beyond my comfort level and known ability, is something only the Holy Spirit can teach my heart to do.  Now I see that I press on because I have been taught look for something better. 
Yes, failure terrifies me.  Yes, unfulfilled dreams ache.  Yes, betrayals sting. Yes, temptations are strong and sin eats away at my joy and love of God.  Yes, forgiveness is hard to give and harder to receive. 
BUT all these obstacles shall pass away when I see my Savior face to face.
"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away." And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." (Rev. 21:3-5)
I trudge because I believe Jesus when He says He will make all things new.
Linking up with the community of hope and brokenness at Imperfect Prose


  1. You soldier beautifully. I get chills every time I read those verses, remembering the way they scrolled by at the end of your Kenya presentation. Keep trudging. Onward and upward. Only good can come of it. Love you.

  2. Sometimes the bravest thing to do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I always think of all the verses about walking THROUGH...
    Love to you fellow Jesus follower!

  3. my immediate thought was of james 1...keep walking..its not a race...but an abiding...

  4. Your post makes me think of mountain climbing. It is a trudge, especially as it gets steeper. But as the effort increases so does the magnificence of the view. There are treasures to be found in the hard places that don't exist anywhere else. Your faithfulness is inspiring. May the views blow you away!

  5. Yes, some seasons are like this. "The overflowing joy, the peace that passes all understanding, the strength to mount on wings like eagles all seem to be just out of reach, behind a clean glass wall...a barrier not visible but hard and cold. "

    Yet, as you say, by His grace, we place one foot in front of the other. And He upholds us, even when the way is dark and cold.

    I am reminded of a verse in Isaiah that means a lot to me:

    "Listen to me ... you whom I have upheld since you were conceived, and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isa. 46:3-4

  6. Oh Lauri, soldier on. Your thoughts reflect the heart of one who is passionate and devoted to her savior. and so in this season of valley journey, soldier on.

  7. lauri, your brokenness is so beautiful... not to be redundant. but it is. and you please him, i know you do. you are a true believer, because you ache to know him more. keep on, girl. it's not in vain. love to you, e.