June 29, 2011

glitter glue and world peace

Sometimes spilling glitter and squishing paint between my fingers is necessary for my emotional and mental well-being and stability.
My thoughts shout and pull in so many directions that I feel like I just need to DO SOMETHING
Messy creativity somehow helps me get my thoughts back to running smoothly and not sabotaging my peace and joy.
Finger paints, glitter, mod podge, scraps of paper, photographs, pieces of clothe...these are my reset button when my mind needs to re-boot.
If I don't create when I get the itch, I tend to get a bit touchy and cranky and not fun to live with
I wonder if people were allowed to take mental health days in order to create something (anything-even if its just a mess) if a lot drama and conflict could be avoided.
I know if listened to the urge to create a little sooner I would be able to avoid my inappropriate responses to minor inconveniences
I not saying that glitter glue will bring world peace, only Jesus' return will bring that, but I am thinking that listening to our hearts' cry to create might make us as individuals easier to live with

Joining up with others who create and express to communicate at Emily's for Imperfect Prose

June 22, 2011

"i didn't recognize you without the handcuffs"...RENT, Phish food, and other guilty pleasures

As a first-born, type A, over achiever, I feel like I was designed to go go go
Most days I try to stay on top of things,
deadlines, meetings, homework, expectations, projects, travels, friendships
all good things, all worthy of my undivided attention
but sometimes all of that undivided attention leaves me feeling
thin...sort of stretched, like...butter scraped over too much bread. (thank you Bilbo Baggins)
that's when I realize that my brain needs a holiday
It doesn't take much
  • an ice cream cone on my lunch break,
  • a night in front of one of my old familiar movie friends like RENT, Sabrina, Harry Potter or Sweet Home Alabama
  • a new nail polish color, hair color, or shower gel to try
  • Ben and Jerry's straight out of the tub while thumbing through a mindless magazine
  • a coloring book and crayons
...something that requires enough attention to silence the racing thoughts, but not so much attention that I really have to think.  Just enough to escape reality, until I feel like I can rejoin the world.

Tonight is a guilty pleasure night....watching RENT, singing along to every song, eating ice cream and making a up of chamomile tea
Life has been kicking my butt a little lately but I know that's only a matter of time before this too shall pass.

I know that there are probably healthier ways to regain my sanity, but for now this works for me
how bout you? how do you unwind?

linking up with Emily and others at Imperfect Prose

June 15, 2011

Gilbert Blythe, Sky Masterson, Adam Pontipee, and Boaz

Facebook statuses have a funny way of latching on to my mind.  This is one I saw today, "Repost for the LADIES: While wating on ur BOAZ, don't settle for any of his relatives...Brokeaz, Poaz, Lyingaz, Cheatingaz, Dumbaz, Fakeaz, Cryingaz, Lockedupaz, Goodfornuthingaz, Lazyaz, Ignantaz, and especially Beatyoaz....wait for BOAZ!!! If u don't know who Boaz is, read ya Bible or Google it! Lol :-)"
Aside from making me laugh out loud, it got me to thinking...what am I looking for in a "Boaz"?  
 
Those who know me or have followed me for a bit know that I tend to think in movie quotes and song lyrics...this has translated to my romantic ideals.
Gilbert Blythe, Sky Masterson, Adam Pontipee, Luke Danes, that scottish doctor from Christy...the list goes on a bit but you get the general idea.  Some girls are looking for Prince Charming to sweep them off of their feet like Philip does to Aurora in Sleeping Beauty, but my middle school heroes were decidedly less disney.  Sometimes I joke that these men are the reason I haven't settled down, how can I ever find a man that lives up to such an eclectic group of standards?  I don't even know what they have in common other than the fact that I mooned over them as a seventh grade girl trying to figure out what love looks like.  
Pondering the list, it looks like strength is a common denominator (as is stubbornness to a fault).  As I have grown I have added a few things to the list...does he love Jesus?  Does he like pie? (that's a story for another blog) Is he intimidated by the fact that I run into burning buildings?  Is he aware that I come as a package deal with all of my friends and nephews and family? 
The longer the list the more impossible the task seems to be.
Thank God He knows my heart better than I do and that "with God all things are possible."  
I know that my list needs have some wiggle room, and I know that marriage is not an answer to a problem or a guarantee for happiness.  I know that marriage is the union of two sinners, who have the privilege of becoming intimately acquainted with each other's foibles and flaws.  
But as my sister once said, "it would be nice to have someone legally and spiritually bound to deal with my garbage."  or to quote Lorelai Gilmore, "You know there are very few times in my life when I find my self sitting around, thinking I wish I was married, but today... I... I'm happy, you know? I like my life, I like my friends, I like my... stuff. My time, my space, my TV. But every now and then, just for a moment I wish I had a partner, someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make ME coffee in the morning. Meet the stupid sink before it gets shipped back to Canada"
I don't know when God will bring me my Gilbert-Sky-Adam-Boaz, or even if he will, but I do know that until I know that it's from God, I'm not going to settle for any of Boaz's relatives.

If your still reading this rambling mess, thanks for listening...sometimes typing makes it all make a little bit more sense.

June 8, 2011

auntie lauri

Most people who know me, know I want to be a mom
...and I have for a while
Growing up, I had numerous ideas for what "I wanted to be when I grew up"
but it was always something and a wife and mother
Sometimes this long lasting desire clouds my heart, and I doubt God's goodness
Many times I have been frustrated by the lack of opportunity for this desire to be met,
instead of recognizing God's goodness in placing me in exactly the position He wants me in
by His grace, those times have become less frequent, but they still happen
But when those doubting times happen, even in the midst of my minds active rebellion against God and His goodness
God is still good to me and tells me that He's got me and I need not doubt or be afraid

God knows my heart's desire better than I do and He alone knows when or how it will be fulfilled
For now He has blessed me richly by calling me to be Auntie Lauri my 3 favoritetest boys in the world
Being part of their world enables me to keep a better perspective on mine and although it's not exactly how I thought my life would go
For now this is enough

linking up with Emily and others at imperfect prose

June 1, 2011

new soil

I must begin by saying that God is faithful!
He answers the cries of my heart even when I cannot find the words to shape them
Prayers humbly typed in "blogosphere" somehow reached the ears of God and He came through for me
not in the way I thought I wanted
but in a way all His own
rootbound and melancholy He plucked me out of my comfort zone
not in one fell swoop this time
but in countless little ways these past two weeks
some pruning here
a little trimming there
each new project a bigger bowl to stretch my roots out into
kindred spirits popping up in the most unexpected places
bringing joy and casting out doubt
like lady bugs descending to eat away my aphids
My prayer now is for faithfulness to meet God where He has placed me
...to trust and doubt no more

Joining up with Emily and others at Imperfect Prose